I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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