I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
