If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
