those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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