you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
