So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
