The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
