walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
