i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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