ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
