If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wear drunk well.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
