shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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