Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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