high people should be assigned attendants
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
