my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
