Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
