I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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