every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
