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i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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