There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Semen is not good for contacts.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
