I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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