i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
