K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
