everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
