i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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