Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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