Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
