Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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