I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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