We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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