Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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