Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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