Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
