literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
