allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
