I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
