I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize