I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
