made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
