margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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