need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
