i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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