One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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