I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
