after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
