Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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