chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
