I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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