This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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