My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i came on her dog
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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