so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
