i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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