Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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