You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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