I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't deserve a penis
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
