just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
