I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
