What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize