Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
