Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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