I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
