I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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