Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
