Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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