i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
