So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
