I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
