your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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