Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
