dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
