At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
