Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
