Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
