No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
