it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
