she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
