My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
