Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
