I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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