I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
