I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
