So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
