apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
