I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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