just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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