i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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