it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize