party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
