so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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