Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
