I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
