im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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