I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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