i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was CRYING into my vagina
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Your penis caused this!
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