so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
