I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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