Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i think i have herpe
just one?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
