nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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