Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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