OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
