hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
