We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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