Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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