They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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