Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
